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Jul. 24th, 2007

(no subject)

anywho...

today i just fucking hate this world

dunno why... actually i do

my sister and i are fighting.

not some lil kid retard fighting over tv or other bullshit like that. but over our relationship as brother and sister.
i want her to be something she isnt and vice versa...
and this is tearing at our relationship. and we arent talking... and its easier to do that when she doesnt even live in the house with me. (she has her own place.)

but FUCK THIS WORLD is messed up.

im starting to not like some friends because of the way they raise their kids (they are twenty something). they fucking spoil their kid when they barely have the resourses to do so. and it just saddens me. and their kid is messed up. already i can tell. his dad hits him and neglects him (the older child) for the younger one (a baby), he is over at his nana's house more that his our home. and it just pisses me off at how these people are doing this.

**sigh**

whatever... i just angry bout so much shit about people and my self.

i dissappoint myself and other shit.
i do shit to myself that i dont like and that hurts me. i tell myself that i will stop but... guess what i dont stop. i just keep on doing it.

and know im hurting the people around me.


my best friend is Anthony idk what I would do without him I mean I sleep with him all the time since he practically lives here.  i miss Eva alot I havent seen her for like a week its nuts.  i dont want the summer to end cuz this summer has been the best summer ive ever had in my life.  when school starts im going to be really bored because everybodys leaving me </3


whatever...

Jun. 28th, 2007

Waffles...

So Anthony and I ate lunch at TGI Fridays the other day...and we ate it for free.
Why you ask?
Becuase we are the biggest studs in the world, this is why.
Ze end.

ALSO!!!! Please please please go check out my friends new band that's in purevolume. They're rough, and were recorded at 1 in the morning, so they aren't the best....but at least tell me what you guys think -----> http://www.purevolume.com/elegancear

I am eating a waffle as I write this. So needless to say...this will be a happy entry.

Life = awesome.

I really love the friends that I have started to make over the past while. It's kinda funny how these people have been here this whole time, and I haven't met them until just recently. But regardless...I'm glad that I have.

My computer! Waaaaaaaaaaaah! It's like...un-useable until I can find the problem with it. It sounds like some kind of secret agent thing....well....it does, becuaes it is a secret agent thing. I'd tell you more...but then I'd have to kill you.

I love it when it's storming outside, and the weather is a little warm, but the rain is cool. It's such a peaceful feeling.

Anyways, my waffle has been finished. So I shall return to my guitar playing.

Peace ^___^

x Matthew

Jun. 26th, 2007

Dear Ex Post Facto,

I’m sorry for what I said today but please accept reality.
The world is not built based on your vision.
I need to construct my own path and meet my own fate.
I am no longer what you once knew.
I am not some doll on which its life is based on what you desire.
It may be ideal, but only to you.
The grandfather clock has aged and can’t tell time and yet you still seek its guidance.
 
 
Tell me, how distorted is that vision?

Jun. 19th, 2007

My New Addiction.

Anthony transferred a lot of music from his IPOD onto my computer. I have all of this new and awesome music. I'm pretty much in love with it all. A couple of the bands I can't even pronounce so I'm really not going to try to pronounce them. I got a lot of screamo out of the deal which I will never complain about. Ever.

But other than that, things are pre-tay awesome. I do have a stories to share.

Friday night: Amanda and Colin have a tradition and Anthony even decided to join in. They always come over to my house on Friday nights and kidnap me. Friday night we went to Walmart and caused mayhem. We dressed up in women's clothing, rode scooters, and sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs. We were 'asked to leave.' We even got escorted out. It was great.

Later on Friday night: We went to McDonalds to cause mayhem. Didn't get anything to eat but Anthony ended up dancing in the middle of the place. Amanda attacked me and I yelled, "RAPE!" At some point Anthony accidently yelled, "orgasm" a bit too loudly. Fun times in Colin's car dancing like idiots to techno and black metal. Friday nights are usually completely and totally awesome. 

Whatever. I don't feel like typing anymore.

Love, 
Matty : )

Jun. 6th, 2007

Party like a Rock Star!!!

NOT 

I headed to the beach yesterday with Jake, Ryan and some girls.

I probably would of stayed till nightfall but it was kinda hot and I've been there since like 6am so I needed a little rest nah meannn?

Plans for tonight = Probably drive around aimlessly with Ryan.
Tomorrow = I'm supposed to go to Steves but I think I'm gonna bail because I don't feel like drinking
Friday = Chill around and shop since I'm gonna die if I continue to wear pants
Saturday = I don't know relax? or go see a movie
Sunday = I don't know?

Hah so yeah I don't lead the most exciting life. I needa look for a job, my friend got me an application for this like health food store, it hasnt opened yet.

Gee golly. Sometimes you just can't win.

May. 28th, 2007

I've got a problem

cant' wait 4 warped tour this year!!!

why does it seem like girls cause drama purposly?!!!
cant they just be happy with the way things are?

Nov. 28th, 2006

update...

But your burden looks a lot like her...

IM

SINGLE!!!!


and guess what
i've never been more happier

"
When I whisper, here me say,
'find your exit, find your exit,
don't you want to find your exit
because the door swings both ways' "

~okay guys
i havent been on for about awhile.
i've been like realy busy... and extreamly exasted. like you would not believe.
i have about a 89346 projects for school, i've had A TON of homework,
so yea ive been like like overwhelmed.
but now everythings getting back to normal so i should be on more. : ]



Nov. 10th, 2006

Intimacy

i wiped the mist from my eyes
then looked up just to catch a glimpse
im scared to know and to know not
what blows through my spirits hair
tell me who holds its hand
as soft as a rock my face hits the carpet

will seeking ever satisfy man
my scars made only to please another
yet my bruises never hurt
no more questions for holiness
whispers and srceams echo through
a heaviness to light to hold draws near

i saw the darkness flash
wide horizons limit to a single crack
reaching for the break my hand is still
is it presence or simply warmth
warmth has never kissed my cheek
emotion has not played its roll here
from the lowest point im drawn to the summit
and thats where You stand beautiful

Oct. 14th, 2006

Chasing Afterthoughts

Me? Trying to describe myself is like trying to describe the shape of water. We are in constant transformation according to our environment. Who I am, and what I consist of is a constellation of specific attributes pooled from every degree in 360. My eyes chase the rhythm of light. The sun, the shadows, reflection upon reflection; an attempting to find new perspectives in the bleeding light. My ears, orchestrate music in the free falling precipitation of sound. The wind whispers an afterthought, a man mumbles to himself; a car slams into another. My experiences run thick through my veins. Each step I take is profound, and every direction I turn presents new dangers and opportunities. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Day after day the faces slide by in a rush of light and color. Everyone dashing by in masses of blurred humanity. Their faces pale splotches of color amidst the multicolored swirl. Streaming like a river down the streets and over North Bridge. Flowing and merging as they dash up Main Street. Their brightly colored scarves snapping in the chill breeze. My heels click as I step off the sidewalk and into the gutter. Pressing through the crowd as I traverse the crosswalk. A piece of trash skitters across the street rattling hollowly. Something makes me look up, maybe a lull in the incessant wail of traffic. A breeze blows the loose hair from my face, and there you are. Your face suddenly looms large and clear in contrast with the indistinct jumble. Everything is still; the gray masses recede until we are alone on the empty street. One step at a time you grow closer until your face fills my sight. Then abruptly you pass; a siren wails sharply, and the multitude leaps into action. Yet I turn; your gaze penetrates the masses, and I can see only you.

Oct. 9th, 2006

Reality is...

Live to Surf, Surf to Live.

Life is only as good as the memories we make.

I'm Matt. I sing. I run. I laugh. I play. I love. I hate. I try. I succeed. I fail. I tire. I sleep. I eat. I cry. I smile. I remember. I forget. I sneeze. I cough. I look. I see. I hear. I feel. I breathe. I think. I act. I follow. I lead. I choke. I quit. I win. I lose. I live, just like a real boy. And also like a real boy, eventually I die.

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